This has been a week of sadness for me. I learned early Tuesday morning that my father-in-law wasn’t doing too well in hospital. I didn’t know the details, didn’t know which hospital, but I knew it was not good. With no info and knowing his previous health interventions, I still held out hope he would pull through.
I got to know Frank Bellizzi (Mr. B.) through his daughter Kim, who I married ten years ago today. There are so many words I could use to describe Mr. B.. He worked hard to provide for his family, just a regular guy most comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt. The only time I recall seeing Mr. B. in anything other than this was at my wedding. Otherwise, comfort was de rigueur.
Sadly, but thankfully, Mr. B. left this world on December 3rd. I say thankfully only because he and Mrs. B. were married 52 years ago on December 2nd. To be burdened by two opposing memories on one day would not have been fair to Mrs. B. or the family. Deep down, I think he knew that. He always thought of others before himself.
Of course when someone passes, those who are left behind reflect on the memories they had with the departed. In this sense I am no different. When Patrick and I joined their family sometime around 2007 (the years blur the timeline) both Mr. & Mrs. B. were most welcoming. They treated us like family. I’ll never forget that, especially for Patrick. He was an only child being thrown into a mosh pit of three step siblings and three step cousins. So I know it wasn’t easy for him.
I cannot recall if it was after I had moved in with Kim or if I was visiting. But regardless, everyone was over, probably for a celebration. I was the new guy. I may have tried to help Kim in the kitchen but the trio of Mrs. B., Kim, and Pam probably made that all but impossible. I had the best of intentions though I failed in the execution department. After dinner Mr. B. was looking for his usual cup of tea. Thinking I could score some brownie points, I pour his cup of tea into a black Montreal Canadiens mug. I thought I had probably scored some brownie points with the man whose daughter I had my eye on. WRONG. He immediately exclaimed “Lu! My tea’s in a black mug!” And with that, my shot at a good first impression went up in smoke. Of course I poured his tea into a light coloured mug however in hindsight I should have poured it into my crooked “Nobody’s Perfect Except the Irish” mug. I guess I was living there if my mugs were in the cupboard.
Mr. B. was a gentle, kind, and generous man. He would give you the shirt off his back if it helped you. He took great interest in what his children and grandchildren were up to in their lives. He also showed interest in what his sons in law were doing at work and otherwise. Whether it was climbing up a ladder helping Pamela & Andrew or coming to our place to fix a leaky faucet, he was always at the ready when he got the call. But when he was ready to leave, it was “OK maman, are you ready?” – a rhetorical question no doubt.
Kim & I took different paths in 2016, after which I have unfortunately not seen any of the Bellizzi family. I have fond memories from my time amongst them. They’re all salt of the earth. I have never forgotten them.
So, Mr. B., this time you’ve left the party before “Maman”. Make sure you keep a fresh pot of coffee brewing.
Ken Quinn 